Isnt This What Its There For?

I pretty much use the restroom whenever and wherever its available. Sometimes I trip on how much people think their restroom isnt supposed to be used. Like these half bathrooms at my sister's house.. Is it my fault that its by the kitchen. There is a toilet and toilet paper in there, so that tells ME that if that its been used prior to me. The spray on the sink lets me know that you know its gonna be some slightly irregular fumes gonna be circulating after I finish. The magazines you have so eloquently displayed on the small stand next to the toilet tells me that I may wanna relax and kick my shoes off while Im in there. You know, Take my time right? And then to top that off you have some nice lookin little small hand towels next to the sink..Why are you mad that I dried my hands off after washing them? Should I have used my shirt?.. So dont tell me to use the one upstairs when you have company over. Heres a suggestion for you half-bathroom owners...1)If you dont want no one to "booboo", unscew the toilet seat off..2)Take away the magazines and replace it with Bibles.Who wants to get religious why taking a dump?.. 3)Remove the towels you have for decoration and get napkins.. If its called a half-bathroom then make the options you want us to use the toilet a halfway choice..

Closed Mouths Dont Get Fed

Dont you wish you woulda just asked something to someone at the certain time? I have come to the conclusion that you dont know what the outcome will be if you dont ask..Here are certain scenarios that you should satisfy your curiousity.

Scenerio 1: When you get pulled over by a cop and they gettin ready to arrest you for a warrant. If you are close to home, ask them "Sir can you trail me home 1st, I dont have enough money to get my car outta tow?"

Scenario 2: When in your car and you are preparing to follow a funeral line..If you know you're low on gas, ask the officers leading the way to stop by the nearest gas station..If he objects, ask him "Whats the hurry, everybody going 10 mph anyhow?"

Scenario 3: When at the supermarket , and you have a couple items overthe limit in the "10" items or less line. Ask the person behind you to put it in his basket and give him the money.. If he objects, tell him "you dont even have 10 items, why the phuck you trippin?"

Scenario 4: If you are a personal assistant and your boss asks you to do things like get his coffee "ask him can you see your job summary"? Surely it must be different than people lower than you in the chain of command right?

Interviewing Is All in the Mind

Dont you get tired of preparing day n night for what appears to be a "certain" job offer then they tell you that you dont meet the qualifications..And dont you hate when they ask you "Do you have any questions for me?" after your interview knowing damn well they will never see you again.. Well I have some interviewing tips for you to ensure yourself that they WONT forget you...

Tip 1: When they ask you where do you see yourself in 5 years, take a breath, lean back, and say "I see myself in an office like this(while looking around the office in admiration).

Tip 2: When a female interviewer asks you "Why should I hire you?"...lean forward and look deep in her eyes and say "Well, I dont mind started from the bottom..I plan to start from the bottom and work my way to the top."

Tip 3:When they ask you whats your desired salary..Step out and ask people who have the same job position how much they making 1st..You dont wanna sell yourself short right?

Tip 4:When they ask you "do you have reliable transportation?"...Its nothing wrong with asking him/her how often do the buses run around here...

Tip 5: And finally when they say to you "Thank you we'll be callin you soon". Be proactive and kick off your shoes and say "It's okay, I'll wait"

Either they will remember you or you will be slapped with lawsuit but at least you'll know where you stand immediately!!!

This is My Family

The family reunion was a huge success considering most of the people that showed up lives in Houston anyway...Got to see a few folks I havent seen in a minute though. My cousin Roderick is 36 still wearing clothes he had since 95, cause the nigga look like he aint gained a pound since ....still eating soup outta the can..Saw lil sis Helen, who dropped her baby an hour before arriving to the reunion and already was ready to put something on the drank....Saw my uncle E.L looking like Uncle Ruckus..Saw my cousin Vanessa from Austin , whose 8th and final daughter graduated high school.. Now I assume the party begins for her..She'll be sending yall an invite on Facebook in a minute...But all in all it was fun and cant wait till the next one ..

Twins

I'm out in the front yard and I see one of our neighborhood icons who we call "Twin" . Well because he is an identical twin.. He is a strung out crackhead that does useful things around the neighborhoods such as wash your car for $5, clean out your car for about $3, or watch your kids for $2/hr.. Well anyway I see his strung out twin brother walk by minutes later. I wanted to stop him and ask "which one of yall dumb mfer's was the last to get strung out?".. Because I'm curious to know how one of these dumb mfer's can look at his identical looking brother and do the same damn thing. How do you not look at him and say "thats how I'm gonna look like if I continue down this path"?.... I mean he has his own before/after commercial living with him daily... Wouldnt anybody like to know what they future will look like if they continue to live a destructive lifestyle? I bet the ghost of christmas future laughing at they dumb ass as we speaking!!!

Creole or Confused??

What is so good about the French that makes some of these black folk from Louisiana so offended. I was talking with a coworker who says he from Louisiana and is Creole not African American. I'm looking at this ignorant, black as tar looking idiot and said " Well what the hell is a Creole?"...He said someone with French ancestry who is from Africa. I told him he about as confused as some of these Black ass people that speak spanish and call themselves Latin... I asked if his people spoke French but he said no his people spoke broken French..I laughed at him and said "so yall just speak the lil stuff yall can pronounce correctly and fuck up the rest of the language and call that broken French then huh? What really made me wanna slap the hell outta him was he tried to speak some Creole to me but I understood every word he was saying........Its funny to me how being black is so diverse nowadays.

Neighborhood Watch Program

Neighborhood watch programs aint nothing but nosy neighbors who aint got nothing better to do with their lives. I was a victim of how a neighborhood watch community need restrictions though. I recieved in the mail a letter from Harris County about someone wanting to do a citizens arrest for littering in their community. They had my license plate number, make/model and a photo of me throwing a cigarette butt out the window. Funny thing is I dont remember ever throwing a cigarette butt out the window because my windows dont go down anyway. I have to drive about 5 yards past the drive thru window to open my door just to give them my money. If they need proof they can look at the hundreds of cigarette butts I have "around" my ashtray. Anyhow they sent me a litterbag to put my lit cigarette butts in. So now I myself will be taking down license plate numbers of people throwing out trash and send them a sturdy citizen arrest letter..